" American Idol [ tickets ]" Top 12 finalist Danny Gokey's wife, Sophia, died of a heart condition just seven months ago, a fact that was played up by producers during this year's "American Idol" auditions. Despite his anguish, he promises to lighten up yet keep her in his heart.

Gokey wouldn't have been able to make this step if it wasn't for his friend, fellow contestant Jamar Rogers, who was cut from the list of "Idol" hopefuls earlier this month

"At this point of the game, it's easier now," Gokey said during a Thursday teleconference that also included fellow Top 12 contestants Alexis Grace and Michael Sarver. "Even though I want [Rogers] to be here, I feel more emotionally stable. I'm so thankful he was in Hollywood because in Hollywood, what people don't know is that Hollywood was very, very tough for me. I put on this face, but I was miserable on the inside. Only he knew that, because I poured my heart out to him.

Since the Hollywood round, however, Gokey said he's "let go of some of the things that I was gripping onto so deeply."

"I think letting go of the toxic emotions tied to the situation has really set me free to be able to start enjoying this," said Gokey, a church music director.

He admitted that his story probably spurred fans to vote for him. But, he said, it's not a plot he wants.

"This is who I am," Gokey said matter-of-factly. "It's not that I throw it in people's faces, but I get asked about it all the time, especially like right now. I'm talking about it at this point. In a previous interview that I did today, everybody wants to hear what I have to say. It weighs on my mind a lot, though, because honestly, this is a sob story I don't want. I don't want this story, but it is shaping my life and it's causing hope for a lot of people knowing that it's causing hope for my life. I didn't want to live any more after she passed.

"So now, I have my mission set in stone of what I want to portray myself as, and just who I am. I don't have to portray myself as anybody, but as far as being me, there's a fun side to me that's going to come out. And so, people have to stay tuned in. I apologize to everybody if they feel like it's shoved down their face, but it's so fresh in my mind."

An oil rig roughneck from Texas, Sarver, who is also a worship leader, said he has "mad respect" for Gokey and what he's going through.

"My wife is my absolute best friend and I tell you: if she did pass away, I don't understand how I could wake up the next day," Sarver said. "To not only view him on the show, but to be around him and see the incredible person that he is; I have mad, mad respect for Danny Gokey."

Sarver said he believes he made it through to the Top 12--despite a lackluster performance of Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Wanna Be"--because of Judge Simon Cowell's public plea to give him a second chance.

"I can't deny that I think that that could have had something to do with it," he said. "Simon making a plea for me on my behalf; I don't take that lightly that at all. I really take a lot from that as a compliment because I appreciate compliments on my voice and my singing and things, but to be complimented on the person I am really means a lot to me. I have no doubt it had an impact and I appreciate it."

He's also aware that his strong work ethic, as well as the air time he received during the audition process, helped catapult him into the Top 12.

"I believe that real life people can relate to me, especially in the economy and the day that we live," said Sarver, a 29-year-old married father of two. "It's very difficult for a lot of people and I see it as a chance to see someone rise from the ashes. It's not that my life is bad, but things are tough and to see someone excel and succeed, I think people relate to that and it's special to their hearts."

Special to Grace, 21, is her young daughter Ryan Elizabeth, who is starting to learn that her mommy is a singer on television.

"When I come on the TV, she points at it and she screams for me and says, 'Mommy.' So, I think she might figure something out soon."

Grace admitted she is nervous about juggling the Top 12 competition with being a mother.

"I mean, any mom would be nervous, because it's their kid and they are so attached to their child," Grace said. "I mean, that's their responsibility. But, it's only for a little time and this little time apart. As long as I work hard and dedicate myself to it, I know I can get it done because I have the best family in the world and they're going to help me out with whatever I need and they'll be traveling back and forth. So, I'll be able to get to see her, but not as much as I would like to. This is all to better our lives."

After Grace's performance, Cowell compared her to Season One winner Kelly Clarkson. Grace said it was "more than flattering."

"It really just shook my world when they said that, in a good way," Grace said. "What it does, though, is it just pushes me to do better each time now. Now, I'm really going to step up my game and prove to them that they're right.

"This is my dream and it's happening. That's what went through my head when I heard I made it through. To tell you the truth, I wasn't convinced. Just because judges give good critiques doesn't necessarily mean America agrees with them. So, I just went in there not expecting anything, just getting the results pretty much."

The next three "Idol" finalists will be revealed Wednesday on the Fox-TV talent show.